I have been praying, thinking, worrying, resting, seeking advice, praying, thinking, worrying, and praying some more on how to start this post. And, then it hit me not too long ago about why this is so hard. It all comes down to worldly fear, fear of 'losing' readers, sadness that our good news will bring pain to others and that all too familiar feeling of "I am happy for her, yet oh so sad," even feeling 'guilty' that I have been blessed this way. And before I knew it, in walked my ultra sensitive-afraid of hurting others self. Then God gave me this verse-
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
God does not say "the same future." All of our futures and what our future family will look different, but if we earnstly seek Him He will give us our best future. We pray that His desires would become ours and that His desires would lead us in our best future and family direction.
I really thought God was leading us to adoption and I truly believe that someday we will welcome a child born in our hearts into our house because my desire has not change even though our circumstance has.
I read on someone else blog a wonderful quote
However Motherhood Comes to You, it's a Miracle by Valerie Harper
I absolutely love that quote. All of the adopted mother's I have talked to will say they love their child who was born in their hearts the same as they would a child born from them. How beautiful is that. We have all been adopted by our Heavenly Father the day we asked Him to be in our hearts.
God certainly had other plans for us right now because He is creating a child in me right now. That is right folks....I AM PREGNANT. It has been 13 weeks and that still sounds strange and unreal to me. Wow, God is entrusting us to raise this child He has created and blessed us with. We are thrilled for sure and was quite surprised if you can even believe that.
I have debated on whether I should continue this blog--a blog I dearly love and God has used so much in my life and I pray in a few others.
God really lead me to this blog because of my pain of infertility and to create a community of sorts for others who are also struggling.
I have a couple of options, close this blog and start a new one or continue this blog in a new sort of way because this is God's story. I believe the latter is where God is leading me, so I will continue to add to this blog our journey as it continues from here. I pray you will join us in our new journey, but understand if you do not.
For those of you still out there waiting for your miracle, I heart you and pray for you. I will always have a special place for you in my heart.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
Hannah's Heart
I found this when I was looking for a commentary on Hannah. I thought it was a good summary of Hannah's life and what God did in her life and what we can learn from her. I love how we learn of Hannah's attitude change and how God ulitmately blessed her. And, wow, after Hannah yearned and desired so much for a child in the end she was willing to let her child go. It is just a beautiful reminder that our children are not really ours. They are on loan to us so to speak. We are to train them in the way they are to go and then let them go (Proverbs 22:6).
1 Samuel 1 Chapters 1 - 2
taken from http://www.wordlibrary.co.uk/article.php?id=161
INTRODUCTION
Elkanah had two wives - Hannah and Peninnah. Peninnah had children but Hannah did not (1 Samuel 1:1-8). Hannah's name means 'woman of grace' or 'gracious woman'.1 She eventually gave birth to Samuel after endeavouring years of cruel mocking and taunts from Peninnah for being childless.
A Raw Deal
Hannah had what many would call 'a raw deal in life'. She was childless in a society that considered not having a child the ultimate failure. A longing of the heart denied can cause much pain. Rather than allow her pain to cause bitterness towards God Hannah used the pain in her heart as a catalyst to pray. (1 Samuel 1:12-20).
Hannah developed a more intimate relationship with the God of Israel than the priest of Israel had. Eli was a man who watched lips instead of perceiving hearts (1 Samuel 1:12-24). How often today do we applaud those who 'talk the talk' at the expense of those who are quietly 'walking the walk'.
Eli was the priest, yet even when God spoke he heard nothing (1 Samuel 3:4-6). On the other hand, Hannah, a childless woman conversed freely with God and received her request. God honoured the most despised in the society with the favour of his blessings.
The perception that God in the Old Testament did not treat women well is not true. It was the culture of the time that detested women not God.
After Hannah's encounter with God her attitude changed before her condition did. She started to live a normal life again prior to having a child (1 Samuel 1:18). Contentment comes with believing God and finding rest in him. Contentment starts in the heart not with possessions. Hannah soon gave birth to Samuel. When the child was weaned she gave him back to the Lord (1 Samuel 1:24-28). From what we know of the culture of those days Samuel would have been about three years old at this time.
Letting Go
All mothers know that the time will come (or has come) when their children will grow up and leave. That is the time to let them go. No more holding and pulling their emotional cords. It's time to stop influencing them. Let them loose to be what God has called them to be.
This might involve calling them and praying over them. Releasing them to go and fulfil their God given destiny. You will always be their parent but no longer their guide. For some parents this is not easy. On your part it might involve a few tears. But it is the right thing to do (Genesis 2:24).
They might still be around and visit you often, but they are now independent of you in many ways.
God used Hannah to show us that this is possible. If anyone cherished her child Hannah did. Yet even she knew that children are a gift from God. We are given the privilege to care, guide and train them and later release them into life.
Hannah's story ends with her giving praise and glory to God (1 Samuel 2:1-11). She had a fulfilled life. The fact that she had to wait for some things did not mean she was doomed.
Waiting for things is not a curse. In fact God always uses it to produce a blessing if we remain faithful to Him. Keep your trust in God. That is what Hannah's life is telling you.
1 Samuel 1 Chapters 1 - 2
taken from http://www.wordlibrary.co.uk/article.php?id=161
INTRODUCTION
Elkanah had two wives - Hannah and Peninnah. Peninnah had children but Hannah did not (1 Samuel 1:1-8). Hannah's name means 'woman of grace' or 'gracious woman'.1 She eventually gave birth to Samuel after endeavouring years of cruel mocking and taunts from Peninnah for being childless.
A Raw Deal
Hannah had what many would call 'a raw deal in life'. She was childless in a society that considered not having a child the ultimate failure. A longing of the heart denied can cause much pain. Rather than allow her pain to cause bitterness towards God Hannah used the pain in her heart as a catalyst to pray. (1 Samuel 1:12-20).
Hannah developed a more intimate relationship with the God of Israel than the priest of Israel had. Eli was a man who watched lips instead of perceiving hearts (1 Samuel 1:12-24). How often today do we applaud those who 'talk the talk' at the expense of those who are quietly 'walking the walk'.
Eli was the priest, yet even when God spoke he heard nothing (1 Samuel 3:4-6). On the other hand, Hannah, a childless woman conversed freely with God and received her request. God honoured the most despised in the society with the favour of his blessings.
The perception that God in the Old Testament did not treat women well is not true. It was the culture of the time that detested women not God.
After Hannah's encounter with God her attitude changed before her condition did. She started to live a normal life again prior to having a child (1 Samuel 1:18). Contentment comes with believing God and finding rest in him. Contentment starts in the heart not with possessions. Hannah soon gave birth to Samuel. When the child was weaned she gave him back to the Lord (1 Samuel 1:24-28). From what we know of the culture of those days Samuel would have been about three years old at this time.
Letting Go
All mothers know that the time will come (or has come) when their children will grow up and leave. That is the time to let them go. No more holding and pulling their emotional cords. It's time to stop influencing them. Let them loose to be what God has called them to be.
This might involve calling them and praying over them. Releasing them to go and fulfil their God given destiny. You will always be their parent but no longer their guide. For some parents this is not easy. On your part it might involve a few tears. But it is the right thing to do (Genesis 2:24).
They might still be around and visit you often, but they are now independent of you in many ways.
God used Hannah to show us that this is possible. If anyone cherished her child Hannah did. Yet even she knew that children are a gift from God. We are given the privilege to care, guide and train them and later release them into life.
Hannah's story ends with her giving praise and glory to God (1 Samuel 2:1-11). She had a fulfilled life. The fact that she had to wait for some things did not mean she was doomed.
Waiting for things is not a curse. In fact God always uses it to produce a blessing if we remain faithful to Him. Keep your trust in God. That is what Hannah's life is telling you.
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