To My Husband

This was "our" song at our wedding and I am just so thankful God brought us together. I can't imagine going through life and this infertility journey without my hubby. I pray someday "all my questions about why" we face this oh, so hard challenge will be gone.

When God Made You
by NewSong

It's always been a mystery to me
How two hearts can come together
And love can last forever
But now that I have found you, I believe
That a miracle has come
When God sends the perfect one
Now gone are all my questions about why
And I've never been so sure of anything in my life

Chorus: I wonder what God was thinking
When He created you I wonder if He knew everything I would need
Because He made all my dreams come true When God made you
He must have been thinking about me
I promise that wherever you may go
Wherever life may lead you With all my heart I'll be there too
From this moment on I want you to know
I'll let nothing come between us
And I will love the ones you love
Now gone are all my questions about why
And I've never been so sure of anything in my life

Bridge: He made the sun He made the moon To harmonize in perfect tune
One Can't move without the other
They just have to be together
And that is why I know it's true
You're for me and I'm for you
‘Cause my world just Can't be right
Without you in my life I wonder what God was thinking
When He created you I wonder if He knew everything I would need
Because He made all my dreams come true
When God made you

Tag chorus: He must have heard every prayer I've been praying (i've been praying)
Yes He knew everything I would need
When God made you (i thank god he made you)
When dreams come true
When God made you He must have been thinking about me...

I love you, Honey xoxo!

I "Gave Up" Caffeine...

..in July '08 to try and be healthy for the pregnancy I thought I would be going through shortly after that. Well, as you know that pregnancy still has not happened. I was so good and did not drink my beloved Diet Pepsi for many months. Oh, how I missed thee! I switched to the caffeine free variety and it was all well for awhile. Somedays I just miss the good ol' stuff. It is on the tough days that I usually break down and go for the caffeine. Tomorrow is gonna be one of those days and I don't have a problem stopping at my fav drink spot at 7:45am for it!

Cheers!

Future

This vision is for a future time.

It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled.

If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently,

for it will surely take place.

It will not be delayed.

Habakkuk 2:3

It does seem "slow in coming,' but Lord you know best so we continue to wait for your answers...it is still SO hard.

Funnies

Something light and funny for this post! :)

"For I know..."

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

Somedays I just need this verse more than other days. Life this week has been so busy with trying to "get back into the swing of things" with my teaching job that I have just been soooo tired. I have learned that tired + the infertility journey = emotional breakdowns. I honestly had been doing so well. It all started to slide when heading back to work brought a lot of stress and tiredness. Seeing all the pregnant bellies was my first struggle. I really wish I could just turn off my yearning. It would really be easier, but God does not work that way. Then it was Thursday and one of my dear co-workers announced that she was going to be a grandma. After the excitement, I felt the deep, deep pain. It was all I could do to keep it together. I managed to hold it together until after hubby and I prayed right before bed. Then I just lost it. "Why, God, why can't my mom be a grandma?" "Will we ever experience this joy together before you send her home to you?" The tears just flowed and flowed with the extreme pain of loss that this dream of parenthood may never be shared with my mom.

I remember when my mom was first diagnosed and hubby and I were just starting our "let's start a family" journey. The thought of trying to be a mother without my mother was too much to even comprehend. I still, to this day, don't know how I will do it really, but God has grown me so much and I know that even though she would never be replaced, He would bring people into my life that I could lean on for support.

To all my friends out there, thank you for being so supportive through this journey. Life would not be the same without you.

Helping Others Bring Home Their Blessing

Over the last week, I have been pondering and asking God what I should do with this strong desire to help orphans/adoptions. Since God has not given us a clear for sure on what we are supposed to do or how to proceed, I have been thinking about what I can do now to help others. I told my husband yesterday that I need to do something.

So, I have two buttons on my blog now. I have never met Adrienne or Leigh, but I have been following their blogs for a few months and we have shared a few comments back and forth. I just love to read how God has touched them and led them to adoption. Both families are doing some pretty fun fundraisers that you will want to join! Click on the buttons and take a peek!

I don't want to leave anyone out who I may not know about. If you are in the process of adopting, follow this blog, and want me to add your button, PLEASE leave a comment.

This Room Reminds Me...

For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.

A time to be born and a time to die.

A time to plant and a time to harvest.

A time to kill and a time to heal.

A time to tear down and a time to build up.

A time to cry and a time to laugh.

A time to grieve and a time to dance.

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.

A time to embrace and a time to turn away.

A time to search and a time to quit searching.

A time to keep and a time to throw away.

A time to tear and a time to mend.

A time to be quiet and a time to speak.

A time to love and a time to hate.

A time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

I love this room. This the room I keep all my clothes in because our master bedroom closet is not big enough for both our clothes. So, every morning and evening I am in this room. For the past two years, I have imagined how we would set this room up as a nursery. Today, it just really hit me that this room will never be that nursery. We will be moving by next summer, so this room will stay as it is~~zebra print and all.

Waiting

I was reminded of this song from another fellow blogger. I think it is the perfect song for us 'waiting.'

While I am Waiting by John Waller

This Way God? Or That Way?... Or This Way?

Lamp Lit Shoes

I love going on walks. I used to do it a lot more and I was skinner then (hmm...maybe I should make more note of that). Anyway, I love walks! I seem to do my best thinking, praying, and head-writing when I am walking around the neighborhood or wherever. I am pretty sure 'head-writing' is not a word, but my thoughts often come out like I am writing it down. Yeah, it is like an internal blog! Today, I was remembering a verse I enclosed in my college graduation announcement.

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.
Psalm 119:105

Whenever I would think of that verse, I would always imagine myself with little lanterns on my feet and I could only see about 1 ft. in front of me, but as I would keep walking I would see more and more and the 'story' would become more clear...I would understand.

This is very much where I am right now. This verse is so visual to me at this moment. I truly can only see about 1 ft. in front of me. I find myself wishing I knew all the answers. Do we adopt? Where? When? I just want to know!!

So, I will continue to put on my lamp-shoes and keep walking.