Blessed!

Can I just say that I am giddy! I am giddy that I get to do something so small that will mean so much to one 7 year old.

It was early summer when I landed in blogland at New Day Foster Home in China. I would stay up way past my bedtime reading about all the amazing things God is doing in the lives of these precious children. I am glued to the New Day blog and look forward to seeing the updates in my google reader.

Then yesterday, I learned about Sheri and her amazing mission her Operation Giggle to provide Christmas to all the children at New Day Foster Home. Imagine being a child without parents and receiving no gifts on Christmas morning. How wonderful it is to be able to provide gifts to kids that are unlikely to receive any. And, even more than the gifts...what a beautiful way to show God's love to these kids...they are NOT forgotten.

I was brought to tears while sharing this with hubby tonight. Last night, I emailed Sheri that I wanted to be paired with a child (I did not specify with who) for Operation Giggle and you know who I am paired with.....Hannah... that is right a sweet little girl named Hannah. You can learn more about Hannah here and here.

Today, my heart feels warm and full of love for a child I will not meet in this lifetime. Hannah has made a footprint on my heart.

You can bet that there will be lots of giggles on Christmas morning!

430

Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall. Psalm 55:22

430 days of praying, wondering, disappointment, anger, researching, sadness, heart brokenness, grieving, fighting depression, questioning, struggling, and hoping in the infertility journey. I know many of you have been in this journey way longer than me, (bless your dear hearts) but I know the feelings are the same.

We have to keep trusting God when we don't understand.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Proverbs 4:5-6

This verse has really been my journey verse. It is one I hold onto tightly. Some days, I forget to bring it to my memory and I fallback; I fallback into despair and feeling lost. I do struggle with scripture memory, but this verse I have been able to memorize. All too often, I end up depending on my own understanding and forget to trust God or I am afraid to trust God. I love how this verse says "and he will show you which path to take." For sometime now, I have felt like hubby and I have been standing in one of those roundabouts just waiting and turning to look down each road, but have not had the call as to which road to take.

Trusting and seeking...

Remaining

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

John 15:5

In 1996, I was a sophomore in college and finally surrendered to Christ. It was a desperate time in my life and thankfully my dear friends persisted and did not give up on me. It was a special day surrounded by some precious friends when I (finally) said "yes" to Christ. I gave up my control. The key word being control. I had such a tight hold on my life and even though it was not going well at all for me, I still did not want to let go and let God.

Sometimes, in this infertility journey I try to take the control back. It does not happen consciously, but a slow fallback. It is my control on wanting things to happen yesterday or even today that gets me into trouble. Then when it does not happen and some time passes, it is then I realize I am holding onto my timing not God's ultimate best timing. God knows when it is best for us to have kids. It is God who knows how we should build our family. It is not up to me. Did you hear that, Leah...it is NOT up to you, YOU don't know what is best. It is just up to me and hubby to OBEY the call.

Praying for us all to find our strength in Christ everyday through every bump of this roller coaster ride.

The Pedals Don't Work

Have you ever felt like you are peddling so fast, yet you don't feel like you are moving? I am feeling very much like this folks. To be brutally honest, my attitude has stunk up a room lately. I do my best to hide it and I am not sure most people would not even notice, but I notice it and I 'smell' it. In my little pea brain, I don't feel like God is showing us what we are supposed to do, so maybe He doesn't want us to really do anything. I am in the middle of many paths and don't know what way to turn or where God is really leading us. My "I want to get things done" personality, is not very comfortable with this waiting and seemlingly no answers time.

Praise our Lord that He gives us strength to face each day.

What verse(s) do you find comforting in a time of waiting or when you are searching for peace and assurance?

I am all ears!