Hannah's Song

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Blowing Off the Dust

Tap...tap...tap...anyone? Anyone there?

It took me a few minutes to even figure out how to find blogger...that is how long it has been since I last blogged. And, even longer since I last blogged here on Hannah's Song.

It is 1 AM and I suddenly got this urge from the Lord to sit down and write. I haven't been 'good' at writing for 3 years. Something was lost in me after my mom died. But, in the wee hours of today, I am giving it a try.

This month has been hard. We are moving Faith out of the crib (yes at 3.5 years old-why ruin a great thing by moving her earlier!?!). The crib is going to be packed away...maybe forever and it has pained me more than expected.

We are so blessed by our miracle preemie took 14 months of trying precious daughter. Her first year of life was HARD. She wasn't an easy birth born at 30 weeks and she wasn't an easy baby. I wasn't ready to think of having another child at all until she was 2 and then hubby and I prayed and talked to 3 doctors. They all gave me a good report. "Yes, we believe you could have a closer to term pregnancy for your next child."

I thought it would be easier. I thought we would be one of those try forever for your first and then bam prego first month for your second. That is not my story.

Here we are again....facing infertility...this time 20 months. 20 months of mourning a loss a hope a dream.

Some days I feel content. Faith is a super awesome kiddo and loves her- only child I don't have to share anything I get mom and dads full attention all the time- place in the family.

Other days I feel a loss. Like 3 is an odd number. Like the fireplace mantel may fall over because it is not balanced. Like the feeling I have when I tell Faith she really doesn't have a brother named Sasa (her name for her "brother" #strangegofigureihavenoidea. I feel lonely as the only friend with an only child. I know there are other much bigger issues of the world and this is not the end of the world...but it is my world.

I am dusting off this blog at least for tonight. The Lord has a purpose in this wait and the answer may not be 4.

Maybe I will be back to write more. No guarantees, but maybe probably I will. Time will tell...the Lord knows.

Amen

Saturday, December 31, 2011

In Closing

2011 Year in Review

January

The start of solid foods!

February

Valentine's Day with special friends!

March

Finally sitting up on her own!

April

Spring is here~going for walks!

May

Happy 1st Birthday!

June

Climbing and walking everywhere~oh my!

July

Pool Play!

July (had to add 2 photos for July)

Homecoming day celebration~look how much she has grown!

August

Trip to Philly to see Great-Grandma, Aunt/Uncle, and Cousins

September

Trying on Daddy's big shoes!

October

1 year since Gemma went to heaven

December

18 months old and showing signs of toddlerhood ;)

Merry Christmas 2011

Thank you for following along on my journey at Hannah's Song. It has been quite a ride if I do say so myself. Many blessings to you!

*I will post the link to my new blog when it is up and going. :)

Friday, December 23, 2011

Checking 1-2-3

Check! Check! Does this mic still work?

I think I may only have 1 reader still out there, so if you are reading this, "hi!"

Anyway, I think I have come to a decision on blogging and the direction of this blog. Yeah! To be honest, I really thought I was going to hang up blogging all together, but then I keep getting this itch to post things about my life and so maybe I just need to get back on the blogging wagon.

So, I think (see I still can't commit) I am going to start a new blog!!! Fun! I really have peace about closing this blog. I have LOVED this blog, but feel that it must come to an end.

I hope you join me when I move over to my new blog! I am thinking by the end of January I should have it all set up and ready to go. At least that is my plan as it stands today anyway.

To close, here are a few pictures of Faith!

Merry CHRISTmas and Happy New Year

Halloween 2011

My Dad's Wedding November 2011

That's a story for the new blog

Faith and her cousins November 2011

November 2011

The girl has better fashion than I

Merry Christmas 2011

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

I just don't know

It is official...I am in a blogging funk.

Tonight, I suddenly had the urge to blog about this, so I jumped at the chance.

The truth is, I am in a dim place right now. Life has just been such a struggle for me over the last 17 months specifically. True, I have many wonderful things in life (my husband, daughter, family, and friends), but I tend to drop back to a sad place in my heart and mind and I am just trying to make sense of it and praying God would help me out of it.

With that said, I have really been contemplating the future of this blog and blogging in general. I see it as 3 choices here:

1. To just take a break from blogging and return when I feel it is right for me.

2. To retire this blog, turn it into a beautiful book, and start afresh with a new blog with new ideas.

3. To quit blogging altogether.

I just don't know... "I don't know" seems to be a theme in my life right now. I. JUST. DON'T.KNOW

To close for now, I will end this blog entry with some pictures from Oct. 7, 2011, one year since Mom went to heaven. My dear and special friends came to me about a week ago and said they wanted to make the day special for me and to honor my mom. They wanted to do for me whatever I wanted to do that day. I decided to have a play date with all the kiddos. My friends surprised me with balloons to release, cake, and special notes they left at the grave site. I will forever be touched by my thoughtful and loving friends.