On the Eve of Faith's Birth {day}

It has been 364 days since our little miracle joined our family.  I can hardly believe it has almost been a year since I had Faith.  Some days it seems like yesterday that she was born and other days it seems like years ago!  She is not my little 3lb baby anymore!  Hello, 19lbs....(you are much heavier to carry).  We are so blessed that Faith is doing so well!  Amen! 

As much as I am excited about her birthday, I have found myself falling back into some PTSD.  I am afraid I may cry all day tomorrow!  I have tried to busy myself with all her party planning and I am finding great joy in it and it has been a wonderful creative outlet for me, too.  We shall see if all comes out how I envisioned it, hah!

All I can keep thinking about, is this time last year.  I remember telling my Principal, while doing car loop duty, that I was going to take a half day the next day because I just sensed that my doctor's appt. (my 30 week appt) may take longer since I was having some leakage issues and wasn't sure what exactly that was all about.  Then less than 4 hours after that conversation, Faith was born....and I never did make it to that dr. appt.  I seriously thank God every time I think of this because it would have been 10x more scary to have gone into labor at school. 

My sister-in-law recently sent me a picture of my mom holding Faith.  It was taken about 4 weeks before she died.  I had forgotten about the picture and when I received it last night, it hit me like a ton of bricks.  It hit me that she won't be here for Faith's birthday.  All the other occasions that we have celebrated without her this year have been hard, but this one is going to a new level for me. 

I just really miss her. I miss that she won't be here to celebrate. I just plain and simple miss her.

OK, done with the tears for now....

I'm going to strap on my party hat and party likes it's 2011 and I have a sweet blessing to celebrate.....because I do!

Faith's birth story click here