Purpose and Grace

When did I become interested in orphans? Well, it has moved in and out of my life since early high school-maybe before, but this is when I distinctly remember my heart growing. It was early 1990's and 20/20 or something like that aired a piece about Romania's orphanages. I remember watching the 2 part episode and just bawled through the whole thing and wanted to go to Romania and save ALL the children. It was painful to watch. From then, I would be drawn to sponsoring children to completing my Master's project on the topic. Did I always think I would adopt? No. Has it always been in the back of my head? Yes. Has it become more clear through infertility? Yes. If I got pregnant today would I still want to adopt? Yes. Did I feel this way way back when we first started trying to get pregnant? No. Has God used our infertility to lead us to adoption? Maybe.

I have been requesting info. from several agencies (just in case we get an official call from the Lord to adopt). I am still not sure what the 'official' call will be, or how it will come/look, but I trust it will come and we will know exactly what the Lord has for us. One agency has an amazing story of how it came to existence. I cannot tell you how present God is in the lives of people who have answered the call to adoption. In the packet of information that was sent was a book that was written by the founder of this agency.

There are a few points in the book that are worth quoting!

"Second Timothy 1:9 reminds us that He calls us according to His own purpose and grace. God Himself issues the call, and He executes the plan. We are simply asked to acknowledge His call. I find acknowledgment the easiest part of the process. The true test comes in living obediently within the call. Many are called, but few submit to God's sovereignty when the result isn't what they were expecting."

"The Christian life does not always play out the way we expect: I do this, God does that. It's not that simple. The choice to trust God isn't cushioned by deals, and promises that everything will turn out the way we think it should. God's only promise is that He will work all things in our lives for the good and for His glory."
(quotes from The Strength of Mercy by Jan Beazely)

I will go before you and make the rough places smooth;

I will shatter the doors of bronze, and cut through their iron bars.

And I will give you the treasures of darkness, and hidden wealth of secret places,

in order that you may know that it is I, the Lord, the God of Israel,

who calls you by your name.

Isaiah 45:2-3

I really wish I could share that we know exactly what we are doing, but the honest truth is that we don't. Some days, I feel like we are no closer to knowing anything. Some days I am so discouraged and wonder how God could ever work out the miracle of adopting an orphan. Some days I "see" our child and he/she (I mostly see a she, but that could be that I would just love to have a daughter) and he/she looks nothing like us and it feels so right. Only God could be doing this folks. If you know me outside of this blog you know that only God could be doing this work in me. All I know is my heart aches-- I can't get enough of reading blogs on Asian adoptions, learning about people's adoption journeys, and seeking out requirements of countries, and desperately seeing if we 'fit' anywhere. God constantly brings these orphans to my heart to pray for.

God is working my friends, and it is so hard to not know the end of the story.

Our walk is a journey not just a destination!